it feels like everything's not right for me at the moment and i can't help wondering why. it's like problems come after problems; and as time goes it becomes from bad to worse. i'm a human, i have my limit, and sometimes it's kind of hard to plaster a smile when your heart isn't smiling at all. so i had this serious 'talk' with my sis last night; and though the both of us knew by heart what was going on, we tried to put it aside because we didn't want to stress ourselves. but i guess there's a limit to it and now we can't even ignore it; the problem was, and is still lingering there, and no matter what we do it's just hard to solve it. i felt really, really sad last night and it felt like the tears i cried didn't wash away those thoughts. i woke up with a really bad headache in the morning and i could say my mood wasn't really good throughout the day, though i tried to cover it up but i guess some people knew. it's hard for me to be cheerful at times like this. the more i try not to think about the problem the more i can't stop thinking about it; and the more i tried not to be stressed about it the more i feel frustrated. i don't even know how to react when she keeps on saying that everything will be fine; because I, of so many people living on earth, know very well everything will NOT be fine. all the what-ifs i once tried so hard to forget comes striking me back yesterday before i close my eyes and drifted to sleep. it has been ages since i last THINK.


dance was one of the activities i vent my emotions on and so much of me for hoping that the practice was gonna make me better; it made me feel worse. Gin scolded - well not really scolded, but she was quite annoyed - the juniors today and i felt like i wasn't good enough. of course she didn't pin-point on anyone, but i just can't help feeling bad. sucks to be me. i really wish i could just sleep and never wake up again. or may be, wake me up when september ends or something. *sighs*